The continuity of failure

In April, I made my debut as a “Zikata”, a musical accompanist to dancers.
Since then, I have been able to play the shamisen at ozashiki parties many times.

At first, I felt happy just for having the opportunity to play, however now I realize my lack of ability as a professional shamisen player and I’m not satisfied with myself.

At one ozashiki party, I suddenly forgot some lyrics of one song, so my geisha sister, who was dancing to my shamisen, whispered the song lyrics to me.

At another ozashiki party, I played out of tune because I didn’t stretch one of the shamisen strings correctly. I couldn’t fix that string while I was playing, so I decided not to use it for the rest of the song.

At yet another ozashiki party, I played some wrong notes in a song which was very familiar to me because I was under a lot of pressure.

On another occasion, my geisha mother suddenly decided that she would sing to my geisha sister and my shamisen performance.
I was also under a lot of pressure because I had to use my geisha mother’s shamisen, so I forgot a part of the second song which was also very familiar to me.

Everyday I realize that performing in front of customers is very difficult because we are affected by pressure and alcohol.

I have never given up during a performance, however every time I felt a little nervous.

One of my geisha sisters said to me that it is difficult to perform perfectly just like we play in practice. However she said that if we give 300% in practice, we might perform perfectly at an ozashiki party.

At first, my goal was just to play the shamisen as a “Zikata”.
Nevertheless now my goal is to overcome pressure and play the shamisen well under all circumstances.